Over the
past decade or so, relationship experts have found that there are a few common
pitfalls that women who want to get married inadvertently fall into which,
decreases their chances of getting married while they're still young enough to
walk down the aisle without stopping for breath. One of these pitfalls is
living together before marriage.
This issue will not be discussed from a moral or religious
standpoint.
A woman is and should be free to decide what is best for her
without being judged, controlled or condescended to by others.
Below are 8 reasons why living together is a bad choice if a
woman wants to marry:
1.
Men and women have very different ideas about what living together
means: Women typically see it as an almost inevitable step toward
marriage, while men see it as a no-obligation "test drive." Couples
who initiate a live-in relationship under the fog of such contradictory
assumptions are already in trouble.
2.
You've
heard the old expression, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for
free?" It's an
ugly phrase, but there's some truth to the message. Living together results in
regular, no-strings sex for a man, thus removing the sexual motivation that is
part of a marriage proposal. And don't worry about his proposing just to bed
you — there are too many sexually available women out there for a man to
propose marriage just for sexual release.
3.
Living
together means that a man doesn't have to pursue his girlfriend any longer: And if something is too easily acquired, it just doesn't
hold the same value as something that is more challenging to get. This more
true with couples who are either co-habiting or who lived together before
"sliding" into marriage.
4.
There
is no interest on taking things to the next level: Because it removes much of a man's motivation to make the
formal commitment of marriage within a reasonable time, living together often
causes women to feel frustrated and get stuck in a cycle of hope and
disappointment. Christmas comes and she hopes for a ring, only to be
disappointed. Her birthday comes and she hopes for a ring, only to be
disappointed. Her sister gets married and she hopes for a ring, only to be
disappointed. You get the idea. Even worse, this cycle often leads to
ultimatums — Marry me or it's over!— which, in turn, can lead to a reluctant
and passionless groom or, just as bad, a woman who tries to fool herself into
believing that "marriage is just a piece of paper" so that she
doesn't have to break up with a man who calls her bluff.
5.
Couples
who live together are less likely to get married: Why? Well, for the reasons previously mentioned that remove
the motivation to marry. Co-habiting couples also tend to have a more lax
attitude toward commitment and don't work as hard to stay together. When their
relationship goes through a rough spot — as all relationships do — it is all
too easy to just walk away. The legal and public commitment of marriage
motivates couples to work through conflict, strengthen the relationship and
stay together.
6.
Living
together is not a reliable way to predict long-term compatibility or marital
success: In fact,
couples who live together before marriage divorce at higher rates. There are
other ways to set yourself up for a happy, healthy marriage. Serious dating
allows two people to get to know each other as loving friends and determine
whether they have a reasonable chance of being a faithful, respectful and
cooperative couple with shared values and vision. Spending time at a boyfriend
or girlfriend's house will reveal many personal habits and quirks, while a
practical pre-marital class that teaches communication, interpersonal and life
skills can give couples the tools they need to help avoid common problems and
resolve those conflicts that will invariably arise.
7.
Very
few unmarried couples who have children end up staying together: In other words, a child's chances of living in the same home
as his or her biological but non-married parents until he or she is a teenager
is negligible. Of those couples that do keep their relationships intact until
their children are grown, 93 percent of them are legally married. This is
important, since children who are raised by both biological parents in a
low-conflict home are more likely to be emotionally and psychologically healthy
than children whose parents are co-habiting or divorced. They are less likely
to experience mental health or behavioural problems, or to live in poverty.
8.
Living
together takes the excitement out of being newlyweds: Being a new bride and moving in with your husband to start a
life — and perhaps a family — with those shiny new rings on your fingers to
show the world your commitment, is a wonderful experience that many women still
hope for. Put the cynics and haters on ignore — their bitterness reflects their
own choices and reality, not yours. Many, many couples still live "happily
ever after" after marriage and you can, too. You just need to know where
you want to go in life, and what choices are most likely to get you there.
Again, these
are just a handful or problems that living together creates for women, and that
results in them spinning their wheels — for years, sometimes! — in dead-end
relationships. The cycle can be as humiliating as it is heart-breaking.
Break out of it!
Curled from: http://pulse.ng/
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